Peace Through Chaos
by Foxissofoxy
Summary: (AU-Possibly OOC) Bigmama: Not everyone has one but everyone in life needs one. Rick Grimes, Michonne, Daryl, Sasha and others sprinkled through out.
1. Chapter 1

Peace Through Chaos

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."  
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

XXXX

"I'm in a bad way, Bigmama."

"If you are at my door, Deputy Sheriff Richard Sinclaire Grimes, I would say you were."

"I.."

"You don't need to explain shit to me. I need to explain shit to you. When you walk through this door, I am the fucking boss. This is my home and no one running shit but me."

"Yes...Bigmama."

"I know it's a hard pill to swallow and it had to take a lot for you to come here. Your own mama Ella would have wanted it this way if she was still living. Now, listen up! You better explain it to your kids before they step on this porch that I don't play games. I mean every bit of what I say. I say jump, you jump. I ain't mean. I am fair."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"We pray before we eat _and_ we attend bedside Tabernacle if you too sick to get up to come to couch side Baptist. I know you ain't a religious man but for you to stay here until you can get back on your feet, you will respect our GOD even if you don't believe in him."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"I have no idea how you and Lori was raising all those kids on the money you earned but _here_ , you will have a roof over your head, food to eat, and a bed to sleep on."

"Thank you, Bigmama."

"You eat what I cook any allergies-pick it out or don't eat. I don't have no talk back here and absolutely no fornications of any kind. If I ain't fucking ain't no body else fucking. Not in my house you ain't. I be damned."

"I understand, Bigmama."

"How many kids you got again? I can't make heads or tails of what I can see from the porch into your mini-van parked in my driveway."

"6."

"How many are boys?"

"2"

"Ok. The girls will all share a room. I have a big enough one."

"Thank you, Bigmama."

"You got Carl and what is the other one's name?"

"Andre."

"That's the one who stutters?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"Him and Carl will share a room. You will have your own. I got plenty of space."

"Judith _is_ allergic to peanut butter."

"Who the hell eating peanut butter here? How old she is?"

"She's 12."

"I hope she can speak up for herself."

"She can."

"Good."

"They can all speak up for one another now, especially with what happened. Carl is very protective of them."

"How old are the youngest?"

"Twins. They are three years old."

"They ain't doing baby talk?"

"No, Bigmama. They can speak up."

"Well, you go on back to that vehicle of yours and I need you to make it clear. Make it clear to Carl especially. This is _my house_. I don't need no confusion. _Peace lives here_. If they can't accept the rules then they all including you will be on the street. I heard about Carl. I understand. I don't blame him one bit. I would have shot Lori too. Difference between Carl and I...I would have shot her dead. Now get your kids and come on in. I made some collards, barbeque chicken, Mac and cheese and Sweet cornbread."

"I have a place lined up, Bigmama."

"With who?"

"Jessie."

"She was good friends with Lori. What the hell she want with you, Richard?"

"She left her husband and got her own place. I didn't ask her to do that. I would have never asked her to do that. I just thought I tell you upfront just in case someone whisper it your way."

"She trying to start something up with you?"

"I am not ready for any relationship. I-"

"She crazy? Yeah. She leaving one house to play house with you with all those children you got?"

"She has two boys."

"She crazy? Yeah. Glad to know you ain't no fool."

"I am just not ready for any of it."

"Richard, go on and tell your kids like I said and I will get plates ready."

"Thank you Bigmama."

XXX

There was no rest to be had until nightfall when Big Mama was finally able to kneel at her bedside with the good book open where she read aloud any random passage that always seemed to reflect for the day she had or the day ahead:

 **Ephesians 4:23, NLT** let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

Big Mama climbed in her bed. She placed her bible and her glasses on the night stand before turning out her lights. She was at peace even though she could hear life still moving amongst the halls and from the creaking of the spare bedrooms floor boards.

It was half expected that peace took some time to settle in for those who had nothing but Chaos for so long. Bigmama knew eventually they would feel it. Peace. The experience of true peace is like nothing else and eventually a person cherished the calm that it brings and loved it enough that they would one day demand it for their own lives.

Bigmama only had one goal in life and that was to introduce Peace through Chaos.

XXXXXX

A/N:

This has been tinkering around in my head as I was writing the True Black Mamba Dances with The Red Viper. I am still shaping that story and hope to post it soon with my eyes closed of course because the presentation may be unusual...Anyway about this story. I am not sure how long this one will be or if anyone would be interested but I thought this was an intriguing way to present BIGMAMA with a story exposing a story. Not sure if this will be short or long but I will have it in a complete status as quickly as possible.

Devil is a Liar. I re-read it and just felt that I wrote with how my brain led me and I can't do take backs. Yes it was a crazy story and I marked it completed because I think I laid the ground work for it to happen the way it happened. Writing should be fun and my attempt to go back and do a re-write gave me a headache even though my intentions in hindsight should have been an EPIC Walmart love story...lol. I may take a look back on it in the future but...

Side note: Thanks to all guest who reviewed other stories and **Alexis** who has reviewed quite a few of my stories under Guest. Those who have an account here, Thank you just as much. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."  
― Mahatma Gandhi

XXXX

"My soul told me someone was out here. What you doing standing out here on my porch for without ringing the doorbell?

"Hi, Big Mama."

"Look at you...Still beautiful! You got that head scarf on your head. I can see all your dreads are gone. You look like if a strong enough wind came a blowing it would just blow you away. My baby! Hug your Bigmama! Tell me you are okay baby? Stop all that crying and tell me what's going on, Michonne."

"Bigmama, you still taking in people?"

"What is it to you, Michonne?"

"I need a place to stay."

"Then you come to the right place at the right time, if that is what you are in need of, baby."

"I'm leaving Mike. I am serious this time."

"You really going to do it this time?"

"Yes."

"Good. I am here for you Michonne but I ain't for the bullshit."

"I know Bigmama."

"You sick but you ain't dead. Trust me on that."

"I'm not in remission."

"You will be. When are they going to remove your Titties?"

"They want to schedule me for a double Mastectomy soon."

"And?"

"Mike is pissed. He's pissed that I am even entertaining having my breast removed. He says he can't imagine being with a woman with no breast. I am not a woman but his wife. He doesn't want me to have the surgery."

"That's the fucking cancer right there. Him. Mike ain't no doctor but he is certainly trying to do premeditated murder of you. I am glad you removed yourself from that jackass. You got fucking cancer and if the doctors say it will save your life to remove your titties you crazy not to do it. I wish a Negro would tell me he rather me die with titties than live without them. Hell."

"It's getting really tough. Mike isn't handling this transformation very well. I can't eat much and I lost all my hair. It's just now starting to grow in a little. He just makes me feel like I am so ugly and it hurts more than not taking the medication, more than having Cancer."

"Tell me no more Michonne. You going to make me go over there and do a drive by and I don't even drive nor own a gun."

"Do you have room for me Big Mama?"

"You my grandbaby. I always have room for you. Come on inside. I made some potatoe salad, fried pork chops and gravy with Rice. There should be some cabbage left over too. Now if the Doctor has some special diet you should be on let me know and I will help you with it. Come on inside. I got some kids here. Just so you know. Don't worry about the door I will get it. Sometimes it sticks and won't close shut real good but we have no worries because we have a deputy sheriff staying up in here with his kids for a while. He says he will get to the door today to make it right. I told him if he stays here I will put him to work. Kids too. You earn your keep by doing this or that."

"What is it you want me to do, Bigmama?"

"I got a good one for you baby and it is only if you have the energy and your health permits. Give me one of those bags so I can help you carry it down the hall here. I can't have you trying to go up and down no stairs. No, I can't have that."

"How will I earn my keep Bigmama?"

"That poor soul, the deputy sheriff has 6 kids with no good sense about hygiene and if the topic comes up or you see an opening to discuss it with the four girls..."

"Where's the mother?"

"Prison."

"What for?"

"Here Michonne. Let me help you. I will unpack your things for you and you have a seat over there. You look like all your energy has just been used up. Rest. Don't put your mind on other people's worries just yet when you have your own. When the deputy wants to reveal his story or one of those kids of his that's about to eat me out of house and home you will know from them and not from me. You will know what they want you to know even if it is in bits in pieces like I been getting it."

"How long they've been staying with you?"

"About a week now. He took them all to the Quack doctor. I says if they been going almost six months now and the twins are still playing with toys there, it got to be a waste of time. I think he is coming around to my way of thinking but they are _his_ kids."


	3. Chapter 3

"You have peace," the old woman said, "when you make it with yourself."  
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

XXXX

"Now look at what the cat brought to my damn door?"

"Hey, Bigmama."

"What you doing here, Daryl?"

"I need a place to stay, Bigmama."

"Where's your family?"

"I can't stay with them or I will end up doing something else stupid. Anything else will have me serving out my full sentence and I ain't trying to be locked up again."

"How long you did and what for?"

"Five years. Robbery. I didn't kill nobody if you worried about something like that, Bigmama. I took what didn't belong to me and got caught. I can't go back to prison. I need this opportunity to get it together."

"How long you've been out?"

"I got out today, Bigmama."

"You going to listen this time?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"Your ass is too old to be going through bullshit. It is one thing to be young and foolish but you at an age you should know better. To know better is to do better."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"You too old for it you hear me?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"I guess you in the right direction if you on my porch looking for a place to lay your head."

"You have room Bigmama?"

"I do, but I am going to tell you this plain, Beth is here."

"Beth is here?"

"If you think you and her will be fucking in this house you have another thing coming."

"Bigmama, last time I saw Beth she was just a kid. Thirteen years old. I wasn't thinking about her then like that. Not like _that_."

"Well, she here. Legal age. Nineteen. I already warned the Deputy Sheriff after he moved in here."

"I have no idea what Beth has to do with me, Bigmama?"

"Beth is not permitted to wear skimpy clothing. If you see it, tell me. Tell it to me quick or you will have yourself put out with her. If I catch her, she knows she is about to be sat out on my front step if she keeps it up. Ain't no luring around here. She is an opened mouth fish waiting to take any bait and she don't care if it was just, Good Morning Beth. Child ain't right in the head and luckily I know her story and you won't get it from me. If she wants you to know she will tell it to you in pieces like she telling everyone else at the dinner table."

"I'm a grown man, Bigmama. You don't have to worry about me and Beth."

"Well, good. Glad to get that out of the way. I will also say this to you plain- if I so much as catch Meryl anywhere near my stop sign...not my porch but stop sign down the ways there...I am putting your ass OUT! You hear me? Nothing worse than that son of a bitch lurking about meaning no one any good. Meryl's illegal gain is like watching the mirth of Satan."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"What are your plans? You can't stay here without plans. I need to know if you have them and what they are?"

"Eugene is opening a automotive repair shop across from Herschel's Market."

"Eugene?"

"He wants me to be a mechanic at the place."

"Eugene is crazy but he definitely ain't nobodys fool."

"He hopes to be up and running in a couple of weeks or within the month."

"You got my blessings on an arrangement with Eugene. Anything with your own family, I will be ready to evict you and I don't care if it is your Mama Pattibelle handing you an inhaler because you about to die of an asthma attack. I mean it Daryl Leroy Dixon. I will _put you out_."

"I understand Bigmama."

"Good.."

"I don't have much money but I can help out. I am handy. Anything you need fixin, I can get to it to earn my keep."

"Good to know. I have some small jobs around here and in the back I need tending to but I need you to come inside and get freshened up. Wash that prison scent off you. I can just imagine the layers of nonsense you had to have seeped in to your very pores the time you spent there. Wash up. Wash up good. Your feet too. Daily. We stay clean here. Just cause you don't smell you, don't mean I can't smell you."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"Good. Come on inside. I made some French toast this morning with some sausage links."


	4. Chapter 4

"You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level."  
― Eckhart Tolle

XXXX

"What do you have to say for yourself now?"

"I'm sorry Bigmama."

"Don't shed those tears now, Sasha. You should save them for the day you going to need them the most."

"I was in a bad way Bigmama."

"How bad was it?"

"It broke me. I fell to my knees and asked GOD to forgive me for everything."

"It took that scar on your face?"

"No, Bigmama."

"You a pretty girl. I still say to this day Sasha would be beautiful if she wasn't so downright ugly on the inside. Just mean. Wicked. What you use to call me when I would be sitting on this porch telling you to take your fast ass home to Mama Ms. Jordan?"

"Bald headed, big titty Nobody."

"Who am I to you now?"

"Bigmama."

"What do you want with me?"

"I need a place to stay. I have absolutely no where to go."

"Now, tell me the truth, what happened?"

"I was in a recovery program. A year. I ran out of money and couldn't stay longer."

"What kind of drugs?"

"Crack."

"Oh hell."

"I've been one year clean, Bigmama."

"I am going to tell you this and I will tell it to you plain. If I so much see you with a remote control in your hand going out the door, you better not come back here. You haul anything out of this house it will be you and me out in the street. I promise you this bald headed big titty nobody will put you down. You hear me?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"You been to jail?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"What lessons have you learned?"

"I've learned that the true bottom isn't 'til the casket drops."

"I would say that is accurate. You don't want to hit true rock bottom it sounds?"

"My words caused bridges to be burned with most everyone I know."

"Trust me baby your words didn't destroy bridges. It was your actions. You never did me no harm but I am letting you know how your actions will have me flip you off any bridge attached to me and that is to do drugs in this house, deal drugs in this house, or conspire to haul my shit out for drugs or anyone else's shit that live in this house. I have some men up in here. They are in a bad way for different reasons than you. I have some kids up in here. I have a young girl name, Beth and my own grandbaby Michonne. I don't live in disorder or confusion. Chaos stays outside on the bottom step where you are standing right now. I have room for you Sasha if that is what you are in need of but I need to hear your plan. You got to have a plan."

"I was hoping to go to cosmetology school. I was able to get a job washing hair for right now at Jessie's Boutique and Salon. I am really good at makeup and Jessie handles alot of Brides to be. She says I am real good."

"That Jessie Anderson, you talking about, down by Herschel's Market area."

"Yeah. Just about."

"Hmph. I am not sure how I feel about that woman...seems to me she likes keeping up confusion in town and with a man that lives here with his children."

"She likes him is all. Left her husband to make a way for him and his kids but the deputy Sheriff felt a different way about moving so fast. He wasn't ready. He didn't ask Ms. Jessie to leave her husband like that."

"Yes indeed. She sound crazy? Yeah. I just don't know what to make of what you are telling me but I guess the picture will become clearer as the days and months wear on if the Lord says the same. Everybody has a story for why they are here or in a situation. This is suppose to be a Safe Haven. Peace lives here or you find Peace here. Are you sure you want to step foot in my house?"

"I want peace."

"Good. I made some beef stew with plenty of meat and a little kick. I made some fresh bisquits to sop it up with when you get to the bottom of the bowl. You ready Sasha?"

"I am. Thank you Bigmama."


	5. Chapter 5

"Imagine that the universe is a great spinning engine. You want to stay near the core of the thing - right in the hub of the wheel - not out at the edges where all the wild whirling takes place, where you can get frayed and crazy. The hub of calmness - that's your heart. That's where God lives within you. So stop looking for answers in the world. Just keep coming back to that center and you'll always find peace."  
― Elizabeth Gilbert

"What is your name?"

"My name is Michonne. What is your name?"

"My name is Judith, this is Abigail, Isabelle, and Billie Joel."

"Judith, do you do all the talking for your siblings or can they talk?"

"I mostly do all the talking."

"Why are you peeking in at me? You need something?"

"Are you sick?"

"Do I look sick?"

"You take a lot of pills."

"I am not well. I hope to be after awhile."

"My daddy says you are unusual."

"You tell your daddy that he is strange."

"Are you mad at our daddy?"

"Are we going to keep having a conversation with you four standing in the hallway or you going to push my door open some more and come on in?"

"We can come in?"

"You four have been peeking at me since I've been here."

"She said we can come in."

"Come and sit up on my bed. Make sure the twins don't fall off."

"Are you mad at our Daddy?"

"Judith, did your daddy send you in here to ask me that?"

"I heard him talking to Mr. Daryl about it. You and my daddy fighting?"

"No. I am not mad at your daddy. I just wish he knew exactly who was the crack head in this house is all."

"I like your name. I like the way it sounds. Michonne."

"I like your name, Abigail. I like hearing your voice more. I don't hardly get to hear you around the table when Bigmama have us go around and tell us what we are grateful for or if we have a story we like to share. If Carl is 14, Judith is 12, Andre is 10yrs. old, how old are you?"

"I am 8 years old."

"My name is Isabelle and I am almost 4."

"My name is Billie Joel and I am almost 4 too."

"All four of you are some pretty girls."

"Do you know if our Mama will ever come home?"

"I have no idea, Judith. What does your Dad say about it?"

"He won't say. If he does he says she lost her rights. He goes to visit her. He won't take us."

"Do you have any idea why he won't take you and your siblings to see your mother, Judith?"

"Because what she did to Andre and Isabelle. She got to them..."

"What in the world are ya'll doing bothering, Ms. Michonne. Get up now and Get."

"Ms. Michonne said we could come in Daddy."

"I don't care. Get your sisters and get. It is after 8pm."

"Hey! Don't just _get_ Judith. Listen to me, Ms. Michonne. Make sure you help your sisters have a nice bath and you all brush your teeth before bed."

"Okay, Ms. Michonne. Good Night Ms. Michonne. Good night Daddy."

"Good Night Daddy."

"...Was that necessary?"

"Are the kids out of ear shot, Mr. Grimes?"

"It wasn't just _get. Get_ implied all that, Ms. Michonne."

"Not with kids it don't. You have plenty of them you would think you would know _that_ but I guess we know who was not only spitting out kids every other year while you..."

"Listen lady, you don't know me. You don't have any idea of what I have been through nor the story of my life. You don't have a monopoly on a sucky life."

"I would say it but I will stick my middle finger up at you like I am doing now. Now please close my door...and next time don't slam it."

"Who's knocking at my door?"

"It's me, Ms. Mi...Mi...Chonne."

"Who is me?"

"Andre."

"Open. What you need Peanut?"

"My name is is is Andre."

"I know who you are. You are _my_ Peanut. You like that or you wouldn't be blushing over there. You're handsome little man. Don't let nobody tell you different. You got a lot of your daddy in you. Your sisters and Dad just left here. Does your Dad know that you are unaccounted for?"

"My daddy saved my my life. He saved Isabelle too too too."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No ma'am."

"You are so handsome standing over there looking like your daddy."

"I...I was just wondering...If...If you needed needed needed a hug."

"How did you know that was what I needed?"

"Be because my daddy said said so. He said no one hugged you in a long time and you act like it."

"Come over here and give me a hug. Don't tell me nothing else your Daddy said."


	6. Chapter 6

"Can you look without the voice in your head commenting, drawing conclusions, comparing, or trying to figure something out?"  
― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

XXXX

"Beth, I am only going to tell you one more time, be mindful of the children at the dinner table. If you don't have a rated G story to tell about your life then let's go with something you are grateful about and as you are thinking about it since good stuff is hard for you to focus on we will come back to you. Right now we move on to Daryl. Go on ahead, Daryl."

"Well, I had a good day today. I started at Eugene's. The Grand opening was like I told everyone last night at dinner. Today I had two cars that came in. Took care of them lickety split. Two happy customers. You next Sasha."

"This will be another day I can mark off my calendar as clean. I have enrolled in beauty school this morning and I start next week. I really like working at Jessie's Salon because I get a feel for the clientele and there expectations. I like having something to focus on. I really appreciate Jessie giving me a chance. Carl?"

"Food is good. Dad?"

"I may start going back to work soon. I still have a lot of things in my head unresolved but I think it would be good if I get back soon as I get the okay to do so. I am thankful to all of you and Carl for helping where ever needed. I appreciate it. I may not say it often or if at all but I appreciate the help with the little things...thank you. Billie Joel?"

"I am glad that we didn't burn up in the fire."

"What fire?"

"Michonne! You know the rules. We share. We don't question what is shared unless they want to share more."

"Sorry, Bigmama. Continue Billie Joel."

"I'm done. Go Isabelle."

"I love my Daddy. Go Judith."

"I am grateful to Ms. Michonne for helping me when she is not too sick and I like how she reminds us to stay clean. I like when we can come in her bathroom and brush our teeth with her. Andre?"

"I like hugs. Ms. Mi Mi Michonne gives good hugs."

"Thank you Andre...Stop looking at me Mr. Grimes. Be grateful."

"I am not looking at you Michonne...I'm looking at the wall behind you."

"Do you two insist on not following the rules? This is my table and my rules. All this talking out of turn. Listen to your Bigmama, Andre. Continue with what else you are gratful for."

"I didn't like the house we were living in. I like this house better."

"You didn't stutter, Andre."

"Michonne! The rules apply to you."

"He doesn't stutter all the time. He never stuttered before until our Mom tried to kill him. She tried to kill us all because she was tired of being a mother and Dad wasn't paying the right kind of attention to her like he does with Ms. Fucking Jessie Anderson."

"Carl Taylor Grimes, do you want to see your family out on the street? Just say the word and I will make it happen right now. You want to go toe to toe? You been itching to do it and let me tell you son, I won't have it. I ain't your Mama. I ain't your Daddy. You will not be disrespectful in my presence to your father. You got a get out of jail card but that don't mean you beat your daddy with it. I have no clue what nonsense is going on between your Daddy and Michonne but they will get it together and follow my simple rule of table manners. They still learning. It is not put out on the street worthy by any means and Beth knows she has one foot and toes from the other out my damn door. You need to watch what you say and how you speak. You got Jessie waiting for you. There are plenty of Jessie Anderson's waiting to snatch your daddy right on up. If that isn't where you want your family headed, I says you need to say sorry to your Daddy right now. I mean right now Carl Taylor Grimes."

"Sorry."

"Who you sorry too?"

"Sorry...Dad."

"Good. Now, Abigail put your attention on me, your Bigmama at the head of the table and tell me what you are grateful for while your brother Carl get together. Go on tell us what you are grateful for."


	7. Chapter 7

"When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go."  
― H. Jackson Brown Jr.

XXXX

I hate sweeping."

"Well, it's your fault that I am mopping and you are sweeping Michonne. You don't know when to shut up. Bigmama moves us around the table. You still talk out of turn. Now we are in time out today for all your questions last night. It's a shame you have to be bedridden for rules to be followed."

"Doesn't matter! You always find your way outside my bedroom door. I know it's you and don't lie and say it is any one else. This is when you aren't bold enough to peek or knock."

"I am not peeking. Your door is wide enough open to see if you are inside. If it's not open how could it be considered peeking."

"What do you be wanting me for?"

"It's kind of weird when you miss supper."

"It's been two months and I can honestly say I don't like you. I don't like you one bit."

"Andre said you think I am handsome."

"Andre is handsome. Carl is handsome. I said I don't like you. Two different things. Why aren't you mopping? I swept that area over there."

"I am taking a break to to talk to you."

"Well, that is what got us here, me sweeping and you mopping. I think we should stop talking."

"You never say much about yourself at the table. You like telling stories but the stories never have anything to do with you or what you are going through or gone through. You are a mystery."

"No mystery, Mr. Grimes. You don't be listening because you are either staring or trying not to choke on your food."

"Rick-Call me Rick."

"Rick."

"Judith says you have a picture you showed them where you have different hair."

"I was showing your girls it doesn't matter what kind of hair we have we need to keep it clean. Oily is not a style or something to prefer. I use to have dreads. Years in the making and it just took two weeks of losing my hair to just cut them all out. My hair is finally growing in and I am happy about it. My point is or was, keep your hair clean because you don't know how long you will have it for, is all. These are the stories you talking about?"

"I can't imagine the dreads."

"Well my husband couldn't imagine me without them."

"You don't wear your ring?"

"But you wear yours? I have no idea what sense you trying to make, Mr. Grimes-Rick and Stop smiling at me."

"Why can't I smile at you?"

"Because when you smile at me you make me think there is something you like about me, when I don't like you."

"Are you trying to say, there is _nothing_ that you like about me?"

"Well, I like your kids and that is about it."

"Why is it I am in the other room and I can hear voices but I don't hear broom sweeping nor water swishing in a bucket? I am in the kitchen and I don't hear nothing. Clean you two. Clean!"

"Do you think Bigmama can hear the swishing now? I hate mopping, Michonne."

"I hate sweeping but I am sweeping. Go over there now and mop that spot, Rick. Bigmama has ears like you just heard her say. She can hear things based on how the wood of the house reacts."

"We don't even wear shoes in the house."

"Don't matter to Bigmama. A clean house is a -"

"Clear mind. Now clean damn it. You two better be cleaning or I will come out this kitchen."

"Well, I hope this lesson of you sweeping will keep your mouth shut around the table. Know when to be quiet and stay quiet. Listening is a good ability, Michonne."

"The ability to not stare at people is just as good, Rick."

"But you were staring at me."

"Because you were staring at me."

"I was looking at you because you really don't think the table rules apply to you Michonne. The look I am giving you is sheer awe. We been at this for a couple of months now. If we don't know much about much we all know who is Big mama's favorite at the table."

"I am her Grandbaby. I am not her favorite."

"Nepotism."

"Mop, Rick. Now you have two spots to mop to my one I have left to sweep."

"Ask me any question that's burning your brain and then maybe we can stop prolonging story time at supper. I rather think about what to be grateful for when we are at the table."

"What happened to Andre? Please, and I will stay quiet."

"I found him first he was next to Isabelle. They were both lying on the floor. I heard the gunshot in the other room and don't know why I didn't give it no never mind. I just saw my babies laying there. Wet. Just laying there wet. Not moving. Lined up side by side. Judith screaming. She said Carl had to shoot Lori to stop. She was drowning the kids. I don't know. I just began breathing. Blowing air. Tapping chest. Blowing air. Tapping Chest. I couldn't just concentrate on one. I had to go to the other. Tipping the-"

"No more Rick. Tell me no more."

"Y'all ain't happy unless y'all have an overseer. I got the chicken roasting. We going to have roasted chicken and red potatoes but, never mind all that. Shit. Now the floors ain't cleaning themselves if you two are hugging each other, I am certain. When you two are through with all that consoling pick the damn broom up and get to swishing that mop on my damn floors. Finish up! I got some more that needs to be done and then you can rest. Now, Beth turn yourself right back a round and find another Top to put on. You working my nerve girl. Now go on with your fast self."


	8. Chapter 8

"You can't fix things with a hug, but you can't make them any worse either."  
― Dean Koontz, Brother Odd

XXXX

"What are you doing out here, Sasha?"

"Wondering what you are doing out here on the back porch?"

"Taking it all in. The air is nice. Stars out. Clear night."

"Clear mind is a good thing."

"I say it is."

"Why you keep staring at me like that, Daryl?"

"I like your hair like that."

"Oh. I thought you were looking at my scar."

"How'd you get it."

"I don't know."

"You were that stoned?"

"Yes. I was. I woke up in the Emergency Room with stitches."

"How did you even start with Crack?"

"The guy I was dating. I was so in love with him. Look where it got me."

"I've always been told you got to be careful of users. They will have you using too."

"I am not a user. Not anymore. I am over a year clean and plan to stay that way even though everyday is hard. One thing I hate is being defined by it. I am not a crack-head. I am a person. My name is Sasha Monique Simpson and I struggle with addiction. Everyday is an accomplishment and I hope to one day have people see _me_ again. See Sasha. Recovery was no cake walk and abstaining has been a struggle and still a struggle. Shit isn't easy.

"Life ain't easy for most of us. We just got to deal."

"Can I sit next to you on the step?"

"You know you ain't got to ask me that Sasha. Come on and sit down."

"...Nice night."

"We already talked about that Sasha."

"...What do you make out of the Deputy and the Cancer lady?"

"I have no idea and the cancer lady has a name. Michonne. You need to get in the habit of using it because I have already been on the lashing tip of her tongue with not pronouncing it right. Either way they are two short fused people."

"Yeah?"

"We've been working together. Me and Rick. Clearing that shed over there. Bigmama wants to create another room out there. She wants it legal of course. Rick is always bringing the topic of Michonne up asking me if I know anything. I have no idea what he expects me to know about women and what they really mean when they say the craziest shit."

"What did Michonne say to him, maybe I can decipher."

"She wanted to know what kind of Mormon hell, Rick and Lori was living? What grade level were they operating on to have so many fucking kids."

"Why did she go there?"

"Because he thought she was the crack head and you were the one with cancer."

"That's funny. Could be he thinks all black people look alike."

"I don't think that is it. Least I hope not. You have a nice laugh."

"We are going on almost two months and I'm still not any closer to solving the Rick Grimes mystery?"

"I tell you one thing, I wouldn't be going to visit no wife that tried to kill my kids. I tell you that."

"He loves her. I never had anyone love me like that. Can't imagine that kind of love."

"That kind of love I don't want no part of."

"I don't think he cheated on Lori. He doesn't give me that impression."

"What are you going on about woman?"

"Speculating is all. Trying to figure it all out on what happened. I keep getting bits and pieces during supper time and nothing is making much sense."

"Lori was pregnant. Again. The gap between Abigail and the twins, there was suppose to be another baby but she aborted. After the twins she was pregnant again and snapped when she thought Rick was messing around with Jessie. He says he wasn't messing around with Jessie. He was friendly with her is all. Some crazy shit that Jessie listened to him and made him feel better about himself. Stuff he should have kept between him and Lori he was sharing with Jessie. He says he never stepped out on Lori."

"Emotional is not much different than a physical affair, Daryl."

"Lori lost the baby after Carl shot her. She spent some time in the hospital then arrested. Him and the kids moved into his mother's house down past Herschel's grocery store. Rick and the kids were only in the house a couple of days when something that was plugged in caught fire. Whole house went up in flames."

"He told you that?"

"Not all in one sitting. Some stuff I heard from other people since I been out of prison."

"Do you believe he had nothing going on with Jessie?"

"What Carl said a few weeks ago, I don't know. Rick said he didn't do anything to warrant Jessie to leave her husband."

"Jessie is in love with him that is for sure. She still talks about Rick to who ever listens about it. She makes it seem like they may still get together."

"You ever see them together? Does he ever go down near the beauty shop?"

"No."

"Jessie may just be full of shit."

"Or Rick is one slick dick."

"He ain't from the city to be slick. Rick is country like me. We simple people. We okay with a simple life that just happened to get complicated with lots of bullshit along the way. Reason why we all here at Bigmama's house. She definitely will help us find peace through the chaos."

"...Yeah."

"What you hugging me for?"

"Because I need someone to hug instead of my pillow or knees."

"I'm not hugging you back."

"Makes me no never-mind, Daryl."


	9. Chapter 9

"she is admired from afar. These admirers court her in secret, in the safety of their dreams."  
― Whitney Otto, How to Make an American Quilt

XXXX

"You got something going on with Sasha?"

"No. She likes hugging me is all. I think she is crazy. I told her so. Trying to rub her crazy off on me ain't going to work."

"Sasha doing pretty good based on what she has said at supper."

"I suppose."

"You think Michonne will be at supper?"

"Did you ask her, Grimes?"

"I was just wondering if you knew or if you spoke to her is all...Does Michonne ask you personal questions or is it just me she is nosey about?"

"What you keep asking me about Michonne for? You like her or something, Grimes?"

"No. I don't like her. I was just wondering if she is annoying to you too?"

"Naw. She don't annoy me but again I ain't trying to figure her out. She asks me something, I just answer. I ain't trying to be mysterious like you. Me-Daryl, I am an open book. I've been in and out of prison more than I care to admit and you arrested me a couple of times to boot. I don't try to figure out women that I don't like nor spend my time asking people about them. If I was interested, I would get to know them and answer their questions honestly as possible, without scaring them away. Now get to hammering, Grimes, before Bigmama comes out here because she doesn't hear noise."

"She says I am undesirable because I have too many kids."

"What the hell did you say to her?"

"I was just saying most men like long hair is all."

"You two are fucking brutal."

"I feel like I am being faulted somehow for having a lot of kids with a woman I loved with all my heart. Lori liked being pregnant."

"Michonne ain't from here. She don't realize we ain't got nothing better to do but fuck and have babies. She's one of those classy ass women from the city. The shit we do here, they can't wrap their mind around in the city."

"We wanted a big family. Lori and I talked about it when we were in High school."

"And you liked to keep her knocked up? All those extra mouths to feed?"

"I loved Lori."

"No doubt about it if you still visiting her in prison. Hand me some nails and some more plywood. If you ain't going to hammer, I will. I can feel Bigmama coming up in this shack in a matter of time."

"Am I undesirable?"

"Naw. Jessie wants you. My mama Pattybelle always said a piece of a man is better than no man at all."

"I don't want Jessie."

"You want Michonne?'

"No."

"Then why the fuck do you keep bringing her up? Before you get all red faced and flustered, I have a prison record. You got a bunch of damn kids. I don't think you nor I are on the top of any woman's list of preferred men and there ain't no two ways about it. We make do with the way life dealt it to us and make the best of it. "

"How do you explain to someone like Michonne that..."

"You can't. She just have to fucking deal. I mean she has cancer. Ain't like she is on anyone's list of desirables if you ask me. Don't get me wrong, Michonne's an attractive woman when she is healthy and not looking like she about to kill or she's pissed off with someone. She needs to smile more but I know she ain't got shit to smile about unless she is around your kids."

"I only hear one hammer banging. I don't hear the duet like I thought I would. Who's not banging?"

"Rick, Bigmama."

"You just going to throw me under the bus, Daryl?"

"I am standing in the door and see you ain't holding no hammer Richard. No tool at all. Bring your ass on out of there. I am trying to have an extra room created and if you standing around worrying your brain about Michonne then you doing the wrong damn thing _again_."

"I wasn't-"

"No you wasn't about to lie to me. Now come on. I need you to talk to your son. I need you to talk to his mannish ass right now. He's taking a liking to Beth who is off limits. Tell him because if I tell him, it's going to get me riled up and I will have to put Beth ass out first and the child ain't got no where to go. I can't have no _fucking_ going on in my house. If I ain't fucking ain't nobody fucking. You hear me Richard? Come on in the house with me and find Carl and tell him good. I want to concentrate on making chicken and dumplings. Michonne is preparing your kids school lunches for tomorrow. Come on now."

"Yes. Bigmama."


	10. Chapter 10

"When my eyes meet his gaze as we're sitting here staring at each other, time stops. Those eyes are piercing mine, and I can swear at this moment he senses the real me. The one without the attitude, without the facade[...]"  
― Simone Elkeles, Perfect Chemistry

XXX

"You looking better, Michonne."

"First time you said my name, Sasha."

"First time you haven't referred to me as a crack head. Only fair."

"I feel better, Sasha. I feel much better. Just taking it one day at a time. I guess you know what that is like."

"I do. I think everyone staying here is doing just that. One day at a time. Does Bigmama know you out here and not folding laundry?

"Shhh, Sasha! I just wanted to take a two minute break is all. Please don't get Big Mama's ear itching."

"Well, I finished _my_ chore of cleaning out the upstairs bedroom and making it presentable so I thought I come and sit on the back porch step and watch Daryl and Rick. Bigmama tasked me with putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls. I think we may be getting someone new here. I heard Bigmama fussing at someone on the front porch. Told the woman she better make sure the husband ain't trailing her to Big mama's front porch step because she will blow the mother fucker away."

"Bigmama don't have a gun."

"You believe that?"

"That's what she told me."

"I will leave that right there about your Bigmama. Anyway, the person at the door was Carol I believe. Her husband been beating her ass for sometime and Bigmama is under the belief that Carol is use to an ass whooping. Big Mama doesn't know how she feel inviting crazy that produces, chaos, commotion and confusion. Crazy can only produce three Cs according to Bigmama. She thinks Carol is crazy."

"Bigmama is real selective in her own way."

"I say she is."

"What's Rick and Daryl doing out here in the back behind that Shed?"

"Probably taking a piss break."

"Bigmama will have a fit if she knew grown ass men were pissing outside."

"They don't want to have to come inside to take their shoes off and on just to go take a piss."

"Grimes need to make sure he washes his hands."

"Why you care, Michonne?"

"Hands have to be clean."

"Daryl probably doing the same thing but you only worried about Rick's hands?"

"I am not talking to you any more. I will say this, If you let Daryl touch you and he hasn't washed his damn hands, Sasha, you just as nasty."

"So, you and Grimes been touching?"

"No. I am not meaning it like that. He touches knobs..."

"like the imprint we can see in his jeans from here?"

"Sasha, you are terrible. I am talking about door knobs..."

"You like Grimes?

"Just his kids."

"Do you like what you see at least? He's staring at you with his shirt off. Why do you two do that? Stare at each other?"

"I have no earthly idea why he keeps doing it."

"But you do it back, Michonne."

"He needs to look away first."

"But most time he doesn't until you-"

"Stop looking at me Grimes!"

"Your looking at me Michonne. Look somewhere else. Don't look over here. You look at me I will look at you."

"I am wondering why Daryl's inside working on the floors but you are just standing there. That's why I am looking at you, Rick."

"I've been working in a hot box trying to lay tile down while you play hooky from laundry. You supposed to be doing laundry right, but you out here on the back porch?"

"Tile is not laying itself and _you_ and Daryl need to wash your hands."

"Come off the back porch Michonne so I can touch you with my unwashed hands."

"Oh my God you two are hilarious! You got her to go right back in the house, Rick. She's good and mad at you. I am going inside to help her with the laundry. Ha. Ha."

"Bye Sasha."

"She probably running to tell Bigmama on you, Grimes. You like talking about her to me and pestering her, soon you will tell me the truth about why you two act like you are 12yrs old."

"There is nothing to tell, Daryl. Nothing at all. I don't think she will say anything to Bigmama because then she has to explain why she was out here and not folding laundry."

XXXXX


	11. Chapter 11

"Why am I impatient I am unsure for what is patience? And why should I ultimately feel that I am lacking in it.  
Is it timing? Waiting?  
Abstaining?  
Obligation?  
Longing?  
Torture?  
Perseverance?  
Discipline?  
Wanting?  
Someone recently referred to it as a staring contest between yourself, fate, god and chance. He also referred to it as a tease, a flirt. It's staring at her image when you want to hear her voice, feel her breath, taste her skin. Patience is the recovery from a really hot dream interrupted by the damn alarm clock. Patience is a hard cock with bound hands."  
― LEONORA MORRISON, The Bed and the Bookcase

XXXX

"Hey baby."

"My name is Carl. I am here to return the comic book. I read it twice. It was good. Thanks. Do you have another one?"

"I know your name is Carl but I was using _baby_ as a term of endearment. Your mother ever use terms of endearments?"

"You're not my mother."

"If I _were_ you wouldn't have had to shoot me because I would have never had put you in a position to do it. You were very brave that day. You saved your brother and sisters. I would have never done that to your siblings if I was your mother and if by some strange design I was and I _did,_ I would hope you shoot me dead."

"She's not getting out of prison you know."

"I only know what you tell me, Carl."

"She never got help for it. She kept a diary. She planned it that day. Dad was always complaining about how Mom kept house or not making sure the girls were clean. Basic stuff. Some stuff Ron heard about from his mom Jessie Anderson and he would tease me at school. The other kids would too. I try to stay very clean but it didn't matter because I'm known as Dirty Grimes who shot his mother."

"Thank you for sharing that with me. I am learning to not ask probing questions at supper and I am unsure if what I learned applies to right now. Do you want me ask probing questions about what you just shared?"

"No."

"You want another comic book?"

"Yeah. I mean yes, Ms. Michonne."

"Come on further into my room and take one if you like. It's in the box over there. I have a whole collection and another box being shipped to me from where I use to live."

"You plan to stay here?"

"Yes. Unless something changes with my health and I am better."

"Are you going to get better?"

"I will. I got Judith, Abigail, Isabelle, Billie Joe, Peanut-"

"Peanut? Who's peanut?"

"Andre, that's my baby."

"I thought I was your baby?"

"Your blushing and smiling, Carl Taylor Grimes. You need to do more of that. I bet if we cut all that hair on your head-"

"No hair cutting for me. I keep my hair clean. It's not oily."

"Well you need to come by more often so I can do an oil inspection."

"Wouldn't that be Daryl's line of work?"

"HA."

"What are you doing in here son?"

"Getting a comic book."

"Comic books in here?"

"Here, take the one you got in your hands Carl. That is the next in the series. On your way out take your dad with you. I didn't invite him in my room and yet he is two steps in...I have rules too, Rick."

"Your door's wide open and Carl is inside."

"He has an invite, you are invading my space. I don't just step in to your bedroom."

"But the door is wide open Michonne."

"You and my dad are weird. I'm out."

"Carl is gone, now you need to follow him, Rick."

"I'd come by to see if you need anything from the store. Bigmama tasked me to go with Sasha to the grocery store. Sasha has the list and I have the money. I don't think Bigmama quite trust Sasha."

"Bigmama ain't nobody's fool. You only got to tell her once."

"Well, she trust me with the money but not the list."

"You don't know how to follow instructions. Bigmama got it right."

"Ha."

"I don't need anything other than a Big Kat."

"You need a Big Kat or you want a Big Kat?"

"Why coming from you, you make it seem naughty?"

"Probably because your mind is in the gutter, Michonne."

"I have nothing to throw at you. You two steps in my room without my explicit permission. Stop smiling at me."

"You going to make it to supper time tonight? You been in bed all day today. You okay?"

"I'm taking this pill...well I am taking a lot of pills and something ain't agreeing with my system. I should be up and walking around in another hour. I got to check on the girls if nothing else. The twins are doing homework and I need to check it when they are finished."

"They go to Head Start. They doing homework there?"

"No. They are doing homework here. They will have an official head start when they ready for kindergarten if they don't get moved up a grade when I am finished with them."

"Is that so?"

"You smiling at me. Stop it. Get me a Big Kat and leave my room, Rick."

"You never answered my question. Are you going to make it to supper. Don't give me that exasperated look Michonne. I just wanted to know because I can bring it to you if you want."

"I just need soup. Something real light."

"You losing a lot of weight Michonne."

"No. I've gained two pounds so you know."

"The Big Kat?"

"Yep."

"I will bring you back a box then."


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey, why you are staring at me with a gaze like something I have done wrong, waiting wrong to be done by me..."  
― Deyth Banger

XXXX

"Why does Michonne have a problem with me looking at her, Bigmama?"

"Because she thinks you see Cancer."

"What?"

"She don't think anyone can _see_ _her_. She thinks they can only _see_ the _cancer_. I'll tell you Mike her husband, has her mind so warped or maybe it is all the pills she's taking, but I'll let her go and tell you when she's ready."

"Huh. I didn't...I don't...Well I never considered..."

"No. No one ever does, Richard. Staring just ain't polite but I'm glad you are able to _see her_. The way you be looking at her I can tell you _see_ _her even_ _if_ she don't think you can see her. Don't look at me puzzled like I hit you with riddle stick. Don't you go lying to me like you ready to do right now neither. I know that look you give her and anyone that ain't blind know what kind of look that is...Mm hmm. You like to try to lie quick. Michonne will tell you when she's ready Richard. Now what else you want from me? You know how I feel about too many people in my kitchen."

"But it's only me Bigmama."

"One too many. Now what else you want from me?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I went to go see Lori today is all."

"And?"

"I have no idea why I go when I am there."

"She's your wife. There _is an_ obligation because of that _and_ she is still the mother of your children. I guess that would be the other reason. Heavenly father is the only one that knows why the hell you go to see her twice a month like you do. Only the heavenly father knows, but it seems like you are unsure for yourself."

"I don't love her anymore. It's like nothing. I don't even know who she is. She apologizes for everything still. She ask about the kids and I tell her. I tell her to torture her I think. I tell her how good they are doing and I tell Lori about how Michonne makes sure of that. I don't think Michonne would like that I use her name but what I say about Michonne is true. Lori cries about it every time."

"She can only be so lucky that hell requires her to weep tears."

"Daddy, can I ask Ms. Michonne how to think about this math problem?"

"What you say when you see grown folks talking, Judith?"

"Excuse me. Sorry, Bigmama and Daddy."

"Very good."

"Is her door open Judith?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"It's something that I _can't_ help you with?"

"It's a word problem and you don't like word problems Daddy. Ms. Michonne knows everything about math."

"Well, there you have it Richard. Michonne's door is open because she is ready to receive. Let her receive."

"Go on ahead Judith. Don't talk her head off. Michonne needs her rest."

"Okay, Daddy."

"I am glad that you allow Michonne to love on them. I am so glad for that. She loves kids. Can't have any of her own and you got plenty. I say you earned your keep just for that alone but I have so much that needs to be done around here. Got to keep the house stable just like anything else. Without a stable home you got nothing but the foundation and who in the hell wants to start over from scratch? Who in there right mind? There is plenty of room to grow here. All direction. Things may be broken here and there, but they can be fixed or it can still grow. No need to fertilize a bush you don't tend to keep."

"Lori the bush Bigmama?"

"Is that how you taking it?"

"I am."

"Then she is."

"There is no mixed feelings. I am not confused."

"You have choices, Richard. Sometimes you got to shut the door and don't look back. Michonne has been putting that surgery off and I know it may had something to do with her husband Mike. Mike don't want Michonne to have surgery. I prayed hard and long over Michonne. GOD had answered my prayers when Michonne revealed she will have the surgery in two days. Praise God Hallelujah!"

"I can take her to the hospital."

"Thank You Richard."

"I can pick her up too."

"Thank you Richard."


	13. Chapter 13

"He stepped down, avoiding any long look at her as one avoids long looks at the sun, but seeing her as one sees the sun, without looking."  
― Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

XXX

"You and Rick did a good job with fixing this place up."

"Still needs Bigmama's Final inspection."

"Has electric and everything. A nice comfortable bed. All that is missing is a kitchen."

"Too tiny for a kitchen. Plus Bigmama likes cooking for everyone. Can't wait for supper. She's making meatloaf and mashed potatoes. She even made Peach cobbler."

"Is food the only thing you look forward too, Daryl?"

"Not the only thing."

"What else."

"Are we having what we are grateful for moment?"

"You didn't catch my hint when I mentioned the nice comfortable bed. I even sat on the foot of it and you paid me no never mind."

"Sasha what are you after? I let you hug on me. Ain't that enough?"

"You don't hug me back Daryl."

"I hugged you back yesterday."

"That wasn't a hug. You were trying to prevent us from toppling over."

"Get it how you can."

"Do you even find me attractive?"

"What's going on Sasha?"

"Daryl do you see me the same way Rick see's Michonne?"

"What the hell? Why are we comparing ourselves to them? Those two aren't even honest with each other much less themselves."

"Don't you ever want to just have fun with each other."

"You trying to lead me down a rabbit hole, Sasha."

"Do you even wonder if there is no fucking in this place since it is not attached to the main house?"

"I don't want to find out...What you doing Sasha."

"I am hugging you."

"But your lips are on my neck."

"You got a problem with it."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"I...I'm not sure Daryl."

"Then we better stop until you know what you are doing. Now keep your hands to yourself Sasha. Keep your hands right there on your sides and off of me. I need this place that Bigmama is offering. I ain't trying to mess it up because I didn't or you didn't give thought to what is happening between us versus what we are _making_ happen on purpose. I like peace here and Bigmama will pull the rug right from under our feet and it will be so quick we won't know what happened but one thing for sure, we will be out on the street, back in a bad way."

"Okay."

"Don't go looking like someone killed your Dog, Sasha. I am attracted to you. You could easily be and mean everything to me. I just don't know if I am ready. I like your company. I like spending time with you and even the one sided hugs. I do. Just so you know."

"Hey, am I interrupting something?"

"Naw, Rick."

"Don't leave Sasha."

"What's up Rick?"

"I wanted to say this to you too, I am glad you and Daryl are together so I can ask if you both will be at the hospital to support Michonne tomorrow? I was going to take her and..."

"Of course! Say no more."

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Ms. Michonne. Come Daddy Michonne passed out in the house. Bigmama wants you go on and take her to the hospital now. Hurry Daddy."

"Richard I am so glad you are fast moving. Thank you Jesus. Please Richard take her on to the hospital now. Take her on. Scoop her on up like I know you can and take her on to the hospital. She's nervous about it and ain't eating. Passed out right here on the dining room floor. When I find out who brought the box of Big Kat, me and that person will have some words."

"Sasha stop looking at _ME_. The Big Kats are a non-issue. I got Michonne. I need someone to grab her bag she has packed behind her bedroom door and bring it on. Carl, I need you to open the van door so I can put Michonne in without having to put her down. Lay the seat back. Thank you son."

"I can carry her Rick."

"Naw, Daryl. I got her. She is light as a feather. I got Michonne, you get the screen door."

"Do you think we should call the ambulance, Daddy?"

"By the time the ambulance get's here, Richard could easily have her at the hospital checked in. Just two miles up the road is all."

"Will Ms. Michonne be ok, Bigmama?"

"What did she tell you Andre?"

"She said she will."

"Then she will."


	14. Chapter 14

"Do not avert your eyes.  
It is important  
that you see this.  
It is important that you feel  
this."  
― Kamand Kojouri

XXXXXX

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Doctor says everything went smoothly. You should be out of here tomorrow morning."

"You told me that the first time I woke up, Rick."

"Well, I am telling you again because the doctor told me again but he added details about other stuff. I got the scheduled appointments they have for you and I plan to take you to all of them. He says that you are going to need a regimen when we get you back to Big mama's. I am willing Michonne to help."

"Why is he telling you?"

"I told him I was your husband."

"I have a husband."

"And he ain't here."

"You have a wife."

"And she ain't here."

"I never know what sense you are trying to make."

"It got you thinking. I like watching your facial expressions. Give me back your hand Michonne."

"I guess I will tell you that I wasn't here for my mind but my breast. My breast have been removed not my mind."

"Good. I don't know what I would do just talking to titties."

"I have pressed the button for more meds. Either you are really funny or I am really high."

"You know you like me."

"I don't. I like your kids is all."

"We still sticking to that story, Michonne?"

"Yes."

"I like when you smile despite what you are going through. I thought it was just reserved for my kids. Glad I can get more than one in the last 5 minutes."

"You've been here going on the second day in different clothes."

"You noticed?"

"Of course I noticed things. Did you tell the kids I will be okay? I hate for them to worry."

"I was bombarded with 100 questions by the time I came through the door. Bigmama says to not worry about _them_ worrying about you. Be glad that someone cares enough."

"Sounds like her exact words."

"Those were. Stop pulling away your hand, Michonne."

"I'm trying to adjust the bed up just a little. I feel a little dizzy at this elevation."

"Let me help you Michonne. Better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Give me your hand."

"Give?"

"I have to be forceful with you. You don't make things easy."

"Here's my hand on one condition."

"What's the condition?"

"You stop looking at me like that."

"Why?"

"I look a mess."

"I don't see a mess."

"Please stop looking at me."

"Michonne, I see you. You just had surgery. Everything is going to be fine. I know you got a before picture and thank you for showing me, I _can_ picture you with Dreads. I also see you without them and I say you are just as beautiful if not more so. It makes no difference to me. The surgery went well and that is all that really matters. I want you to know, I see you."

"I just want you to know it's the medication that is making me cry. Nothing to do with what you just said."

"Thank you for giving me your hand back, Michonne. Now, I am taking this Kleenex to wipe those tears of yours that the medication has caused you to shed. We don't want it to be known that it was from everything that I just said."

"I am so sleepy, Rick."

"Go to sleep Michonne. I am right here. I am not leaving. I will be here when you wake up and maybe then you can try to eat something."

"I don't want to eat anything."

"You are fighting sleep."

"I'm not fighting sleep. I need to tell you thank you. Thank you for being..."


	15. Chapter 15

"Word spread because word will spread. Stories and secrets fight, stories win, shed new secrets, which new stories fight, and on."  
― China Miéville, Embassytown

XXXX

"Beth what are you doing sitting next to Daryl on the couch?"

"I am just talking to him Bigmama."

"What do _you_ have to say to a grown ass man?"

"I was asking for advice is all."

"She had some questions, Bigmama."

"You goes to _Daryl_ for answers? Why not, Sasha? Why not Michonne? Why not me? What in the hell are you asking Daryl that you got to sit so close to him to ask it and for him to answer it? I'd think I would like to know what this conversation is about."

"My own Daddy Herschel is planning on buying me a car so I can have transportation and I asked Daryl what was a good kind of car since he works at the repair shop."

"Beth wanted to know if I heard what the rules were for the shed out back, Bigmama."

"Tell the truth and shame the devil. Daryl ain't going to lie for you Beth because he needs the _right_ way more than he need the glimpse of the _wrong_ way. Now get your ass up off that couch Beth and go fold that damn laundry in the other room like I told you to do. Make sure it is organized for Rick's kids because when Michonne is feeling better and see the sock drawer with out matches she will lose her mind. Now get on up child and leave that grown ass man alone."

"Yes, Bigmama. Sorry, Bigmama."

"Beth's Daddy is cleaning house. He supposed to be picking her up tomorrow to stay with him. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. You still going to meet the twins at the bus stop Daryl?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"Good."

"Michonne going to be okay?"

"She hasn't said any different, Daryl."

"She got people helping but she don't ask me for nothing. I just wondered if there was a way I can help."

"You are helping. You making sure those twins are off the bus in the right direction to this house. I know those are Rick's kids but Michonne love those girls just the same. She thinks the girls are snatchable and no amount of reasoning with her will change her mind on it. I help bathe her and sometimes Sasha helps with that and changing her bandages. Rick takes her to her appointments and sit with her from time to time. You can see if she wants company now and again."

"Rick is always in there though, so I guess all is good."

"Rick is always _trying_ to get in there you mean? When he can he is at peace with himself. Like a rooster I says. Either way, just cause Rick's there don't mean you can't be there or in other ways. It all amounts to the same thing, Peace of Mind for Michonne and for yourself knowing you are doing all that is requested. Never do more than people will do for you, I says. There are people that will do a lot for you, go on and do a lot for them. There are people that won't do shit for you don't do shit for them, I says."

"Jessie came by the repair shop today."

"What you telling me for?"

"She wanted to know what the rules were here. She wanted to know if visitors were allowed."

"What she asking you for?"

"Cause I stay here."

"Jessie wants to visit you?"

"Naw, not me."

"Then what she want with me?"

"Not you either, Bigmama. She wants to know if she can come by sometimes and visit Rick."

"What you tell her?"

"I live here. People live here. We don't visit."

"You told her right, Daryl. You told her right. Glad you told me about that conversation so I can put Jessie's puzzle pieces together if she brings her shit here. I ain't caught off guard asking Jessie the wrong questions of why she standing on my porch because you told me to expect her to bring her ditzy behind this way by the laws of crazy chance."

"I don't know if Rick is still entertaining her or not."

"Don't take much for a woman. Could be a casual 'Hello Jessie' and she heard let me shoot your husband so we can be together happily ever after. She crazy, yeah?"

"I think so but I ain't around her enough to know so."

"I want you to be better about spreading any rumors. Seems to me you coming along just fine."

"Spreading rumors?"

"What you told Sasha about Rick and Lori."

"But I told Sasha."

"It's like telling me."

"Sasha-"

"I hear everything. I see most everything and I know most everything before the thought hit your mind good. Remember that. Lori had babies. Plenty of them. If you heard it from Lori's mouth or come across her medical record about aborting babies that is one thing because you heard it and you saw it _or you_ performed it. Anything else is just rumors. Plus it is an incredibly private thing and decision. Very private. GOD's ears burn when he hears and just imagine if it is false?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"Glad we are on one accord."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"We got another woman moving up in here today. Her name is Carol. I want you to make yourself helpful if she needs it. An ear to bend is always a good way to start and you seem like you have a good ear to bend. Sasha will get her moved in real good."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"I'm going to go back in the kitchen and check on the Roast."

"Okay, Bigmama."

"And to answer your question the shed is for overflow."

"Overflow?"

"When love can't be contained under this roof."

"Bigmama...?"

"Go on now Daryl. Those twins will be at the bus stop."

"Yes, Bigmama."


	16. Chapter 16

"It's the hard things that break; soft things don't break. It was an epiphany I had today and I just wonder why it took me so very, very long to see it! You can waste so many years of your life trying to become something hard in order not to break; but it's the soft things that can't break! The hard things are the ones that shatter into a million pieces!"  
― C. JoyBell C.

XXXXX

"You need to stop crying Michonne."

"I can't reach for myself and I have bald spots. I feel like I have a lot to cry about."

"Well, let me help you. You ask me to buy clippers and I did."

"Close the door behind you, Rick."

"I can come in?"

"How else is it going to get done if you don't do it?"

"I will move the chair in front of the mirror so you can tell me how low you want to go."

"Bald. You can't even out bald spots Rick. Just shave it all off."

"I am going in your bathroom to wash my hands and then I will help you in the chair...Hands clean. How'd you make it to the chair?"

"Barely. I am so sore. I can't reach the scarf on my head."

"You taking the pain pills, Michonne? You can't or shouldn't take them on an empty stomach you know? Clippers set up. I am removing your scarf now and I need you to stop all that crying that you are doing."

"Okay."

"You're starting fresh is all."

"Yes. Starting fresh."

"Best if we put a towel around your neck...Ready?"

"Yes, Rick."

"Don't tell me to stop looking at you Michonne. I can't help it."

"I didn't say anything."

"Good. You have a beautiful face Michonne. Hair or no hair I sometimes can't believe my eyes. You are very beautiful... and you see that didn't take any time at all."

"Rick!"

"Yes. I kissed your bald head and I did it again."

"Get out of my room."

"Not till I clean this up. Clean you up."

"No."

"Your bandages need to be changed, Michonne."

"Get Bigmama. Get Sasha."

"You got me."

"Rick..."

"Share this with me."

"I'm not ready. I...I...can't. Please get Bigmama or Sasha. Please?"

"Why is this door closed? Here's something for you to eat Michonne."

"I was helping Michonne, Bigmama. She asked me to close the door."

"What's wrong with you Michonne?"

"Nothing, Bigmama."

"Why she crying like that, Rick?"

"She needs her bandages changed, Bigmama. I offered to help."

"I don't know how I feel about that Richard. That was very considerate, I suppose. What Michonne tell you?"

"She wants you or Sasha to do it."

"Well, you shaved her head for her. Changing her bandages may be a little too intimate for Michonne especially not knowing how **_I_** feel about it."

"My line of work I just about seen everything and-"

"Are y'all going to continue to talk as if I am not here?"

"When _I_ ask you a question and your response was " _nothing'_ you became invisible to me because I was seeking answers, not denials. Go on Richard. Check on your kids. I will take care of the mess you made. Leave me with Michonne now before she gets ornery."

"If you need anything else, Michonne..."

"Go on now Rick... I will take care of Michonne from here."

"I don't know how I feel about it, Bigmama."

"He is making you incredibly vulnerable, I can say that much. He is not deterred by what he sees. What's going on with you and Rick?"

"I don't know."

"Then he shouldn't be changing any bandages if you don't know. Where did Sasha put the bandages? They aren't in the medicine cabinet nor in the bathroom drawers."

"They're in my nightstand drawer, Bigmama."

"You take your medicine?"

"Yes."

"You need to eat, Michonne. You can't get better if you don't eat."

"Rick brings me something to eat. Won't leave unless I finish."

"Good."

"He has a wife, Bigmama."

"You have a husband, Michonne. Not sure what sense you trying to make of it because there is none. I have no idea why you two are still married or claiming marital statuses to people that have lost their right to claim you two as their husband or wife. I don't say nothing about it because I thought you two would get it in your thick skulls you need to move forward. GOD has propelled you forward not backwards. God has not halted you."

"Daryl got the babies from the Head Start bus?"

"Everyday until you can do it yourself. They want to see you Michonne. All the kids. Even Carl. He has been guarding a box that came for you today. Says it may be the comic books."

"Mike sent my comic books."

"He sent comic books but didn't go see you in the hospital? What sense does that make?"

"I asked him to send the comics."

"You shouldn't have to ask him to be at the hospital. He should have been there. He been showing you who he is, why the hell you don't believe him?"

"That smells horrible, Bigmama."

"Yeah. Your trying to heal. Bad stuff have to seep out in order for the good to survive inside."

"I smell horrible. I smell like I am sick."

"Is that what you were really worried about what Rick would be smelling and seeing?"

"Mike wouldn't have offered to do any of it and I don't know how to react to it."

"You first need to get better. First. Get better. If there is any spare time in that think about what you feeling about Rick. Seems to me you won't acknowledge the obvious and I am trying not to do it for you. You been here for months now. You had the surgery. I am quite sure you have some ideas of your thoughts on the matter. Rick will be going back to work next week and he still scheduling your appointments and handling his kids without issue. Hasn't gone to see Lori yet and I know because he would have told me."

"I have no idea what you are trying to tell me, Bigmama."

"Get better and the rest will fall into place. How about that?"


	17. Chapter 17

"Sometimes, the biggest secrets you can only tell a stranger."  
― Michelle Hodkin, The Evolution of Mara Dyer

XXXX

"Huh? Why are you sitting in the ddark Big Big Mama?"

"Don't go to stuttering now, Andre."

"I...I..."

"I was wondering who was the cookie monster that crept in my kitchen when everyone should be sleeping. So here I sit having to lurk in the darkness to have it revealed to me and I see that it is you. Michonne's Peanut."

"I...I..."

"Go on and get a plate and a cup. Don't spill the milk this time. Have a seat with your Bigmama. Go on now and do as I say. I know now who has been tip toeing in my kitchen. Now I can rest my brain. What do you need to say?"

"Sorry, Big Ma Ma Mama. Thank you, Big Mama."

"What you want to talk about?"

"Mimi."

"Who the hell is Mimi?"

"Ms. Michonne."

"Is that so?"

"She says she likes it."

"Is that so?"

"We all call her that except Carl. We we we all call her that when we talk to her in private."

"Is that so? Sit right here in this spot next to me, Andre."

"I love her a lot."

"Mimi?"

"Yes."

"What about your own Mama?"

"I'm still scared of her. Isabelle too and Billie Joe."

"The face of the devil can't be wiped from memory."

"Huh?"

"Just my observation to God is all, Andre."

"Carl says he has new friends because of Mimi telling him to start the comic book club."

"Is that so?"

"Mimi gives good ad ad advice."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Bigmama."

"You really like my cookies."

"I do."

"Your Daddy stopped taking y'all to that Quack doctor?"

"He says it makes no sense to take us if we got you."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, Bigmama. My Daddy plans to take us all to the store tomorrow when he gets from work. He's going to take us to buy Mimi a present because tomorrow is her birthday."

"It is."

"Do you think she will like a necklace of some sort?"

"She will. She loves to have her Birthday acknowledged and she _will_ be healthy enough for that _day_. She looks forward to it like she looks forward to y'all visiting her and asking her questions. She likes tending to you despite her condition. Just tell your Daddy he better not buy another doggone Big Kat. Why you looking at me with a smile, Andre."

"I am surprised you didn't cuss."

"I am trying to be more mindful of my audience, Andre. Never had no kids your age in my home running about in a very, very, very long time. I knew your Daddy when he was no taller than you."

"You did?"

"Yes indeed. He was always meddling with something or another. Had to whoop his behind all the way to your Grandma Ms. Ella, may her soul rest in peace, and she would whoop him some more. Yes, indeed. He just didn't know how to stay out of trouble. Over at the neighbors down yonder messing with the well, almost had a child fall in with him if I wasn't there to see it with my own two eyes. I beat there behinds, yes I did. Him and Daryl. Shane was there too. I would have beat him some but he ran off too fast. Yes in damn deed."


	18. Chapter 18

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."  
― Søren Kierkegaard

XXX

"Where you going Sasha?"

"I am going to class."

"Oh."

"What you want Daryl?"

"You're not hugging on me anymore."

"No sense in hugging you if I ain't getting hugged back. I have my knees and I have my pillow."

"This is about what happened in the back?"

"No. It has everything to do with not being hugged back."

"I've been giving everything thought, Sasha. How about you?"

"I have as well and I am moving on with myself."

"Sounds like we about to have two different conversations."

"I've said my peace."

"Well, let me say mine. I don't know nothing about this relationship thing. Never had no good example of it. Never gave it much thought until now. I don't want to have a relationship like my Mama Pattibelle had with my Pops Joe. I don't want it. I know exactly what I don't want and for the life of me I can't formulate what I do want because I ain't never seen it to know what it looks like. I don't like wading in the dark to find these new experiences so I need to take this one step at a time or I will go stir crazy because of things that I can't decipher."

"You scared Daryl?"

"I am."

"What scares you the most since you being so honest?"

"That you ain't sure about _YOU_. I can't have you drag me along with you, Sasha. You have the power to do it if I let go and let you. I am a firm believer that users cause other's to use and if you relapse that would be us, two druggies roaming the streets with the only destination of getting high and staying high."

"Bye, Daryl. I have class."

"Let her go on with herself, Daryl."

"Where you come from Bigmama?"

"I come from my kitchen to find out who is on my porch. When you going to get it in your head I am everywhere, Daryl?"

"I don't know if I can do this thing with Sasha."

"Well if it's Sasha, _you can_ , if it is the crack head in waiting, maybe not. What does your gut tell you, Daryl?"

"You said the gut is God and I haven't listened to him in a while to be honest."

"Well _he_ just spoke to Sasha as plain as day just now, I say you got a good connection whether you aware of it or not."

"God spoke?"

"Truth. God is Truth."

"Here comes Rick riled up?"

"Yes indeed his rooster feathers sure is ruffled. Look at him strut over this way."

"Michonne must have pissed him off, Bigmama."

"You don't say?"

"Let me head on to work. He looks like he needs to unload on someone and my ear has flapped closed."

"...Bigmama, where's Michonne?"

"She went to her doctor's appointment. Called a taxi and everything."

"She's not there. I mean she was but she didn't wait for me to pick her up from there."

"What's going on Richard."

"She's getting better, that's what's going on. Healthy Michonne with the fiery tongue is what's going on."

"You're going to have to start from the beginning Richard for me to know what the hell is going on. Right now I can't make heads or tails."

"She asked me again why Lori and I had so many kids. She stuck on that and I don't know why. I have them. I have them and if by some strange design she was my wife I would have kept her good and pregnant too."

"You said that?"

"Yes, I did Bigmama. I am getting real tired of explaining the unexplainable. I have six kids with _one_ woman that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with and if I knew what I know now and from what Lori revealed in her Diary which in hindsight is 20/20, Lori and I were not meant for each other no matter how we tried to mesh together. Unfortunately, there is no take backs and I wouldn't do it to have lesser kids just to appease Michonne's idea of the perfect amount of kids."

"She loves each of your children even if she don't agree on the amount, Richard."

"That damn woman won't let up."

"She is trying to be sure about you and your thoughts, how about that? Is that easier for you to comprehend?"

"Well..."

"To have that many children with a woman you loved, Michonne can't be for certain you love her the same or more. Michonne needs to know the love you have for her is different and, or greater than."

"What?"

"Richard, I didn't hit you with a riddle stick."

"You're talking about love, Bigmama and..."

"You ain't?"

"What?"

"I am going to put you and Michonne out of my house if you two don't get it together. I am leaving you right where you standing Richard and don't you step one foot farther until you let my words sink in further. Stop rejecting what I am telling you. You are in love with Michonne and it is as blinding as the sun that is shining down on you now. You have been for a long while and I can't believe your brain has convinced your heart otherwise. If that is the case your brain has more power than the heart and I am with Michonne, how the hell did you have so many GOD Damn kids? But God did say be fruitful and multiply and you and Lori did just that, but you never made no nevermind about a GOD in the sky. It will always be a riddle stick for those of us looking on the outside judging your life and reasoning skills. Times are hard. No sense in making it harder for yourself by bringing a bunch of children in to the world on purpose. Teach your children to live life cautiously and with sense. No such thing to throw caution to the wind when the world is a whirlwind. No sense at all. Life should be enjoyed and not laborious where there is no peace."

"I am divorcing Lori."

"Well, that is a good a place as any to start. Still don't step one foot any farther until you let _my_ _words_ sink in. I am going back in the house to check on the ribs I got in the oven. The way I make them is just as good as on the grill, I says. Coleslaw should be nice and cold by suppertime."

"I had to have a conversation with Jessie. Made me late to take Michonne to her appointment. I had to have this conversation because Jessie was causing confusion. I had to tell her plain that everything I did wasn't right. I should have never spoke about what should have been private between Lori and me to her. I don't want a relationship with her in that way and I crossed the line to give her the impression that I was even leaning that way. I couldn't apologize to her in a reasonable way because she was still entertaining possibilities that I would come around some day. I had to be cold with her and just in case the whispers got to you, you heard it from me first."

"You're taking care of loose ends. Good to hear, Richard. Good to hear."


	19. Chapter 19

"The past is never where you think you left it."  
― Katherine Anne Porter

XXX

"Carol, you can't stay here."

"Bigmama."

"You didn't press charges for the ass whooping he gave you. I can't have a lunatic on a secretive mission to get back at his wife. I can't have him on my porch step. I can't have it. I know my limitations and I don't know why you don't know yours."

"He..."

"He haw on out of here. Sasha, get on up and help Carol pack her shit up and take her to some domestic abuse center that is equipped to handle wives that will still go back to no good bastards."

"Yes, Bigmama."

"What you looking at me for, Daryl."

"You putting someone out on the street. I never knew what that looked like until now, Bigmama."

"Well, keep it in your memory that it is swift, very quick. When it effects the safety of this house it is non-negotiable and I don't care that we have a deputy within the confines of these here walls. My ears have to have a period, even if it is a few seconds of rest. I hear stuff in my kitchen right now as I stand in this living room."

X

"I am glad you are doing much better Michonne. You are able to be up and about. I am glad about it."

"I like things a certain way Rick. Kids got to have order. I have to have order to things. I'm not good navigating when I don't have a clue where it is leading."

"Bigmama had some words..."

"Are you even aware of anything that is going on, Rick? I don't understand you. Your children need you to pay attention but you go through these bouts of being here but not really here. What ever the medication they are prescribing, you need to reconsider if you-"

"I came to say thank you, Michonne. That is why I am in the kitchen with you right now. Last night was the first time in a while, a very long while. I haven't heard Carl laugh like that in a long time. I know it's because of you. You did that. Thank you."

"I was ready to give you a tongue lashing but you took the fire out of it. You are welcome."

"I know my kids are getting attached to you, are attached to you. You have been nothing but kind and loving to them. You've been a friend when my family needed one the most. You've not once pitied me. You held my feet to the fire on more than one occasion. I know you have health issues and you may need a break-"

"I'm done taking breaks, Rick. I can't have children and it's nothing but a blessing to have them here, for me to have them here. I enjoy your children. Carl is not a bad kid and he needs to be reminded of that. He needs that more than anything."

"I didn't know you read comic books and had a catalogued collection."

"I like chocolate pudding too."

"I didn't know your divorce was final."

"It is."

"I didn't know that you really needed a hug in the beginning. It really was just a wild guess. I really like to have part of Andre's action more often than not."

"I have been hugging Andre for awhile. You may have to work out an arrangement with him if you are trying to get in on it. Thank you for sending him my way when I needed it the most."

"I need to tell you that I am having a hard time not giving you the keys."

"What do I want the keys for?"

"I trust you to step in when I am not seeing clearly. You make decisions. Right decisions. I spend so much time punishing myself. I only feel peace when I am here, not on the outside looking in but when I am here taking care of you and the kids."

"What's happening Rick?"

"I don't know Michonne..."

"...Rick?"

"Please, Michonne...look away from me."

"...Why?"

"Because I want to kiss-"

"Why the hell you two in my kitchen at the same damn time?"

"I was just headed out to the backyard, Bigmama. Daryl said he wasn't going to hang curtains because he wasn't a hanging curtain type so I was going to do it for the windows out back. I was on my way."

"Well, you hurry on and do just that Richard. You and Michonne wasting time standing about doing nothing when there is something to do."

"Yes, Bigmama. I was just going to clean out the sink real good since the twins are napping and the rest of the Grimes are in school today."

"Only one woman in the kitchen, Michonne, and the kitchen is mine. My sink is clean. Now find yourself something else to busy yourself with. I just gave the word for Carol to leave and if you want to give her some departing advice on letting go and moving on, to do so, now. Go on now. Out of my kitchen."


	20. Chapter 20

"No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it."  
― Elizabeth Peters

...

"Hey, Rick I need some advice."

"Have you asked Bigmama?"

"I need it from you-not Bigmama. I say anything to her it would only put me and Sasha more on her radar. I ain't trying to get thrown out over any misunderstandings with Bigmama."

"Do you really think it would be a misunderstanding?"

"I ain't trying to be put out on the street."

"What advice do you need, Daryl?"

"I think Sasha wants me to chase her."

"Do you like Sasha like that?"

"Some. I like her some."

"Bigmama said you have to be careful to saying hello to some women."

"What the hell are you talking about. Me and Sasha are passed the hello, how you doing? We could easily be at stop hogging all the covers if you know what I mean."

"Boy, do I know what you mean. I have a problem myself. I-"

"Grimes I don't want to hear about you. This is about me. I don't have a great deal of patience and understanding where women are concerned. Mama Pattibelle was a hellion and when she said 'Get' we all just _'Gat'._ No time for understanding them, spent time in and out of trouble in juvenile facilities and stints in prison. I am saying all this to ask, how long does chasing last before I need to realize that I missed my window of chance? I think I had a chance with her. Not sure if I still do."

"Have you asked her to spend time with you?"

"Naw. If she is sitting in the TV room, I just have a seat, sit and watch TV in the living room with her. I watch whatever she's watching. I don't make no never mind about it. I don't ask her."

"Ask her on a date then."

"How would that sound?"

"Sasha-will you go to the movies with me?"

"Sure, Rick. I just got in from class. I will go to the movies with you. What are we going to go see?"

"You taking Sasha to the movies, Rick?"

"Where did you come from Michonne? "

"Bigmama got me sweeping because of my outburst last night . Don't understand why you aren't mopping. It was all your fault. Now you planning movie dates with Sasha? Wonder where Jessie is going to be in all this. How will Jessie feel about you taking another woman to the movies? Have you considered that, Rick?"

"Rick ain't taking Sasha to any Goddamn movies. So you both get that out your mind now. Bigmama always said an eavesdropper ain't never heard anything right nor anything good. Bigmama proved her point when you and Michonne walk in this room where we were trying to have a private conversation."

"Private conversation in the hallway where I am to sweep?"

"You tell them, Daryl. You tell them good what your Bigmama said. I had to come out my bedroom for this shit. I am ready to put you all out of my house bringing and feeding confusion that is hungry like a pot of shit ready to be stirred. Crazy sprouts the three Cees: Chaos, Confusion, and Commotion. I refuse to have full blown crazy in my house. Crazy shit pushes out peace. We got to protect it. I can't protect it all by myself. Y'all going to have to want it just as bad. Now tell Sasha right, Richard."

"I am not asking you to the movies. Daryl is asking you to the movies."

"What you say to that, Sasha? Don't look at me. Richard cleared the air. Look at Daryl. Tell Daryl if you going to the movies with _him_."

"Ok. I would like to go to the movies with you Daryl."

"Good. Sasha, don't let me ever hear you accept anything from Richard. Richard ain't for you. You want to stir shit between Richard and Michonne you got to go because that is like stirring shit with me. I know the reason you thought you were accepting a movie date with Richard was to make Daryl jealous. But don't you ever do that shit again. Now, Richard tell Michonne about why you were late to take her to her appointment that day."

"I don't care if Sasha goes out with Rick. IF-"

"You a damn lie Michonne. Go on Richard."

"I was taking care of loose ends. Jessie was a loose end. I probably should have picked a more better time to confront Jessie. I told her I didn't want a relationship with her. Not then and not now. I didn't like having to raise my voice and be all forceful but I had to because she just wasn't getting what I was telling her. "

"I can vouch for it Michonne. Jessie is having a hard time with accepting what Rick must have said to her. She tapered down on her Rick talk a lot at the Salon. She's even thinking about going back to her husband. I am also sorry for potential confusion between you and Rick. I was going to make Daryl jealous."

"Stop looking at me Rick."

"You wonder why I got you sweeping? Because you don't know when to hush and see what is in front of you. I figured if you concentrated on the dust at your feet your mind would eventually get tired and your eyes would look up."

"I am looking at you Michonne, because I know you still got something stuck on your brain. I don't want to go to the movies with Sasha. No offense Sasha. I don't want Jessie and I am sorry I missed taking you to that _one_ appointment two weeks ago. Would you like to go to the movies tonight?"

"No. Tonight is movie night with the kids. Even Carl will be in attendance."

"Sasha and Daryl y'all go on and make whatever the preparations y'all need while these two fools go back and forth. I am going back to my room to rest my achy bones."

"...Am I invited to Movie Night tonight, Michonne?"

"You are never invited Rick. Now move out the way so I can sweep."

"Who's handing out invitations?"

"Billie Joe. She invited Carl this time and he accepted. We are going to watch Toy Story, tonight. We plan to have popcorn, candy and soda for _our_ special occasion. Don't you dare tell Bigmama about the candy and soda part. I am tired of tea and water."

"As long as the candy does not consist of Big Kat, your secret is safe with me."

"Still not invited, Rick."

"Well, let me go find Billie Joe to find out if I have an invitation and IF I get an invite nothing you can say about it Michonne."


	21. Chapter 21

"Everything that happens to you matters to me."  
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels

...

"The movie was nice. Thank you Daryl."

"You look real pretty Sasha."

"You just now telling me that, Daryl?"

"Just got brave enough to do it Sasha. "

"Well, thank you. I am glad we chose to walk instead of drive. It is a nice walk and the night is beautiful. Bigmama living just a mile and a half from Old Cinema..."

"How much do you like me Sasha?"

"What?"

"I am asking you this right here and now. Right on this sidewalk before we turn the corner and we at Big mama's house... I'm asking...Do you like me the same as the guy that got you hooked on drugs, or possibly more? I am trying to get something settled in my mind. I don't want to be liking you more than you are capable of liking me...if you are capable of liking me in a certain way."

"I like you Daryl. I went to the movies with you. I am not thinking about my ex to know if it is more with you or less."

"Well I need you take time right now to think about that...What I just asked."

"How can I think about something when you haven't given me anything to compare anything to. I hug you and you don't hug back. I have no idea if you are a good hugger or not Daryl. Remember you said it was because you were trying not to topple over so I have no idea. I have no idea what your hand feels like in my mine. I have no idea if it will make my heart jump or warm me with butterflies. Or if hand holding would want me to etch everything about your touch in to my memory. Where I would know your hand from any other hand. I don't know how to compare, because you don't hold my hand. You don't reach for me and your eyes don't tell me much more than what comes out of your mouth. _Are_ you a good kisser? Do you know how to kiss? Those are things that I use to compare and contrast to know if I am willing to walk over hot coals if you were standing on the otherside. Will your taste or the tips of your tongue make me wa-"

"...What does those things tell you?"

"You grabbed my hand and you kissed me all together. All at once. Let's try doing these things separately but let's keep doing the kissing..."

"...What does the kissing tell you now, Sasha?"

"More...More Daryl. More."

...

"Where are the kids, Rick?"

"Teeth brushed and in bed. I made sure of it Michonne."

"I missed the movie?"

"You did and I am glad Billie Joe gave me an invitation so I could watch you sleep. Watching you sleep in the hospital was one thing on the couch entirely another. Billie Joe and Andre were snuggled up under you asleep too. You didn't feel a thing when I removed them. I come back down to wake you...Why are you crying now?"

"My hormones. Maybe the medication. Why didn't you wake me? The kids were probably disappointed that I fell asleep."

"They know you are tired, Michonne. We know. Sleep is good."

"Why are you touching my face?"

"Wiping your tears Michonne...You want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"What is going on between us?"

"You are still married, Rick."

"I have been quietly divorced for a week now. I want to move on. I found a safe place here for my kids. Bigmama hasn't hinted yet she's ready for us to leave here. Plus the food she feeds compared to what I have been providing or could provide the kids..."

"You are divorced and you didn't say anything?"

"I told the kids a couple of days ago. I am surprised they didn't say anything to you about it."

"Probably figured that I knew."

"Probably."

"I feel like I must tell you that I am really sorry Rick. I know you loved Lori very much."

"I did love Lori...and thank you for that, Michonne."

"The kids seem okay. Movie night happened and I wasn't even aware that their father had lost a wife."

"Well you don't necessarily shut up long enough to..."

"You starting with me now?"

"...I love when you laugh."

"I think you like to get me riled up, Mr. Grimes. My laughter is an acknowledgement of what you are trying to do."

"I am not trying to replace Lori. You aren't a replacement for Lori. Fooling around with Jessie would have been a repeat not by accident but on purpose. I wasn't trying to be with Jessie like that but I could see how things got all twisted and distorted in her mind. I am not saying I was innocent by any means. What I am saying is that I am purposely choosing my time wisely and with whom I keep company."

"Carl was very pissed off with you when he thought you and Jessie had something going on."

"Yeah. Carl was the major deciding factor that I couldn't just move in with Jessie 'til I got back on my feet with the house burning down like it did. I think he would have set Jessie's place ablaze if we would have attempted to move in. I didn't know he and Ron weren't getting along until you told me and then he eventually told me. I was really making a mess of things. Not seeing clearly. My kids safety is paramount. Their happiness is very important to me. Now, I can think about what makes me happy."

"You made the right decision to come to Bigmama. Carl is better for it. All that resentment is not good. It was growing. I like that you take into consideration your children's needs before your own, Rick."

"I like that you consider my children your own. You scold them and lift them up in the same breath. I like watching you with them and them with you. You make a fine mother, I can just imagine what you would be like as a partner or wife."

"I love your kids Rick and I have no idea what to do with the last part you said."

"I am imagining more between us. Bigmama says to speak plain to you. Did I succeed?"

"I have no idea why you would be imagining more when, I..."

"You have to be full of tears waiting to be shed. Let me get you a tissue out of the hall bathroom..."

"...I am in partial remission. The cancer, the...I am hoping and praying for a full remission. In the meantime, I am ill more than I am well.

"I want to help take care of you."

"I am still considering reconstructive surgery. More surgery. More downtime."

"I support whatever your decision is, Michonne. If you dare to ask me my two cents I will give it to you that it makes me no never-mind as long as you are healthy and happy with your choice that I will always fully support. I will be honest with you. But I know the decision you had to make wasn't an easy one Michonne and it sounds like this reconstruction is something else that you are struggling with."

"I am."

"Still want to be there for you."

"I may have another bout of losing my hair. I'm surprised the kids aren't afraid of me without hair. Feels good not to have to wear the scarf all the time."

"I have no idea why the kids would be afraid of you. They see you too."

"Oh my God, Rick I am an emotional mess. I can't seem to get it together."

"Luckily you are a pretty crier, Michonne."

"Stop talking."

"If I stop, _it_ will happen, Michonne."

"What?"

"What was about to happen in Bigmama's Kitchen."

"What was about to happen?"

"This."

"You are kissing my eyes and cheeks. In the kitchen you weren't aiming for my eyes and cheeks."

"Well you weren't crying in the Kitchen. But if you don't mind I would definitely like to keep kissing you as I make my way to the original destination..."

"...Rick."

"Michonne..."

"I'm scared..."

"Me too...This is so good..."

"Rick.."

"...Michonne...I love you Michonne...and you taste like Big Kat. Please tell Bigmama I did not buy them for you. I didn't Michonne AND when she finds out tell her the truth quickly. I did not buy the BigKats this time."


	22. Chapter 22

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."  
― Virginia Woolf

...

"Boy do you look real fine, Michonne. Real pretty. Hair growing in real good now. Lipstick on. Where you coming in from?"

"I went to the Head Start earlier today and gave one of the teachers a piece of my mind."

"Where was Richard?"

"Here, I guess. He was trying to get me to see things from the teachers perspective and he gave up."

"You took it upon yourself?"

"Yes I did. I didn't like the nice nasty note they sent about Isabelle and Billie Joe. They **_will_** be able to count to twenty and read before they are in Kindergarten. They will know more than the basic colors in the crayon box. I have no idea why they aren't trying to teach them. Head Start? Isn't it implied in the name?"

"Why don't you become a teacher Michonne?"

"My degree isn't to teach. The pay is horrible in itself and the appreciation for what seems to be a thankless job..."

"If you come in here to bend my ear you have to talk _and_ work with clean hands at the same time. Chatting by it self ain't never got shit done. Now cut the greens up just so. You can talk and work at the same time if you going to bother me about what ever else is on your mind."

"I am a bother now?"

"Yes. This is my kitchen. Kitchen wasn't made to have two women in it. My kitchen is barely tolerating it."

"Hands clean, Bigmama."

"Good."

"I was thinking about fried Okra today or fried green tomatoes."

"You have three green vegetables out, okra, turnips and tomatoes."

"I know you ain't come in here to tell me what vegetables I had out. Richard is out back with his children. He says he has all day off tomorrow and the next with nothing to do and I said _oh no baby there is always something to do if you plan to stay here_. Day of rest is after a productive day of work. No all day leisure for no one. I ain't running no hotel and certainly not a motel.

"So they are out in the backyard? I need to check with the kids and-"

"No. You sit right there and chop. They is out gardening. He is teaching his kids. Carl too. Let him be with his kids for a few more moments before you go bustling outside."

"Rick is a gardener?"

"His thumb is green. He knows a little something about growing things in the ground. A man who can keep you fed and protect you is a good kind of man."

"Rick gardening?"

"I am glad he is taking time with his kids and passing on what he knows. I am so glad your Peanut stopped pissing in the bed too."

"He's very happy with himself. He has gone a full month now."

"Proud of himself? Shit. How old is he?"

"Bigmama!"

"Don't you Bigmama me. Damn time he stopped that. I was about to put him outside to sleep at night. Like you would do with a cat with no litter box at night. Don't give me that look. Nobody got time for a pissy boy. He too old for it."

"All that he been through, Bigmama? I told Rick to pay no mind to it. Have Andre pull off the sheets himself and put them in the washer. In time he will stop. He stopped."

" _You_ helped Rick with that boy. Don't know what you been doing, but you probably need to write a book to help other parents out there with other pissy kids."

"I didn't make a big deal about it. He needed to feel safe and not chastised. I listened to him most times without interruption or clarification. The twins were starting to have a problem too with it. Hugs and words of encouragement is all."

"Those girls still trying to sleep with you?"

"I don't know what it is about my fuzzy scalp but they like touching it while they sleep."

"They shouldn't be sleeping with you, Michonne. You starting habits that will be hard for them to break."

"I know."

"Why you crying now?"

"I love them. I love them so much Bigmama. Every single one of them are special to me."

"Okay, but why you crying?"

"I think if I didn't have them, life wouldn't be worth living. They give me a reason to keep going. I didn't expect it."

"I know Michonne."

"Mike had me feeling very down about myself and it made me feel less optimistic about my chances of surviving this. When Mike would look at me he made me feel like I wasn't beautiful when I needed to hear it the most. Then I got the kids here and I got another chance because I feel like I am not the walking dead. I feel alive and I don't want it taken away from me. I thought Mike could kill me but if Rick took those babies from me..."

"Who would take that a way from you, Michonne? Surely not Richard. The way you talk about his kids I am quite sure he would love some of that love talk and feelings for him too. Do you have enough for him? He seems like he can be greedy. You going to have to divvy it up fair like but more has to be given to the father of those kids. You ready for that?"

"He kissed me, Bigmama."

"He kissed you or you kissed each other?"

"We kissed."

"And?"

"I feel like my heart would burst if I let go and let him love me. I need that kind of love he has for me. I need it almost more than remission."

"Michonne, you only live once. You need to _live_. Whatever happens- _happens_. You die tomorrow? God scoops you up and takes you into his arms. Today you live. Everyday you blessed to _have_...you _live_."

"I-"

"You live. You love. You enjoy. All those things are part of finding peace through Chaos."

"I am in love with him. Crazy in love, Bigmama."

"You my dear are a learning lesson for his children and they are for you. Richard is your season for the rest of your breathing life. He will be your eternal most comfortable season, steady, constant. He looks at you as if it is so. A man like that don't come around everyday and if you got one like Richard ready to endure the long-haul no matter _what_ -you a fool to turn it down. A fool, I tell you. Cancer or no Cancer. When a man show you who he is believe him. You should have enough practice with handling shit that you should want to rest your mind, body and soul with someone who wants to take care of those things to ensure you and his family have nothing but peace."

"He told me what happened with him and Jessie."

"He didn't have to do that."

"No, he didn't."

"Private conversation he ain't trying to hide, he revealed to you. He wants no confusion."

"He says he wasn't as innocent."

"Truth."

"I trust him. Down deep I do."

"He has given you no reason to not, Michonne."

"Abigail asked me if you were God."

"What you say now?"

"Abigail. She wanted to know if you are God because you know everything that is going on in the house."

"Ain't that some shit..."

"Well.."

"Blasphemy will not be tolerated. Come on out from around the corner Abigail. I know you in the hall listening to grown folks business. Come on in the kitchen."

"Sorry, Bigmama."

"If you ain't trying to garden, you will learn how to prepare food from the garden. Your hands clean?"

"Yes. Bigmama."

"You finished with homework, Abigail?"

"Yes, Ms. Michonne."

"Hands clean you can now get these greens here and put them in the bowl. Be careful with the knife now, child. How old you is again?"

"I will be nine soon, Bigmama."

"Teach her how to hold a knife, Michonne. Show Abigail how to cut the greens just like so."

...

"I need you to open your eyes and look at it, Michonne. It may not be as big as you are use too..."

"Okay. Okay, okay okay."

"Relax and open your eyes. At least look at me. Please open your eyes."

"Yes, I am pushing this door open. Wide open. What the hell y'all doing in here? Show me yours and I wll show you mine? That is not played up in here no sir, no ma'am. I will throw you- _what_ are you doing on your knees over there Richard?"

"{sigh}...I was giving Michonne a promise ring since she won't consider it an engagement ring, Bigmama. You just burst into a moment that we..."

"Yeah, I busted in. My ears were tingling and I had to make sure what the hell was going on. Y'all know how I feel about closed doors and more than one person moving about over the age of 12 in the same room. You know how I feel about it and if you don't, you know now."

"I accept, Rick ,on one condition. I need to be in remission for it to mean more than that right now I am okay with a promise. I will wear it knowing it symbolizes everything you said from your heart. Thank you. I very much feel the same way about you and I'm still very, very scared."

"Why you didn't have the kids to witness this Richard?"

"I wasn't confident that the kids could handle me being rejected and I didn't want Michonne to agree to something to make sure the kids wouldn't be upset, Bigmama."

"Very wise. I have no more to say on it. You don't need to explain further. I see you got her forever eye faucet of tears on. I will close this door behind me but I need you to keep both feet on the floor at the same damn time. I hear the wood talk to me throughout the house. I will know. The floors will tell me quick even if my ear tingling don't have the full story."

"...I love you, Rick. Very much I do."

"Really?"

"You look like you just won the lottery."

"If it got you laughing like that-I will tell you, for you to feel anything for me is like I struck a goldmine."

"I _will_ make you a _very_ happy husband."

"I have a good feeling you will."

"Why are you touching my hair?"

"It's growing in. It's nice. I like what's happening."

"You always got me laughing. You like my little afro or that we are about to kiss in this moment?"

"Both."


	23. Chapter 23

"Love making is much more than physical expression, it is a soulful dance of sensual wonder and euphoric amazement."  
― T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with "The Divine Presence"

...

"What in thee hell are you doing at my door?"

"I was told Carol is here."

"Who told you that?"

"Is Carol here or not?"

"You on my porch, at my front door, demanding answers? I'd be damned. You can reel that fishing line right on up and get on where you came from. Go on now."

"Look here lady."

"No you look a here. I've been called a lot of things but a Lady isn't one of them. I'd be damned if you think you going to come here as if you can intimidate me with your chest all puffed, face all red like it is. I don't take ass whoopins. I would very likely stomp and drag you up and down the street if it were me and God knows he put you with the right one baby. He put you with the right one. You would have only one time before I would _more_ than likely rise up and kill you dead. Hear me good and I am telling you this by looking you directly in your eyes as you are looking into mine- _rethink_ everything that you conjured up in your mind thinking that you were going to achieve today. **_Re-_** _think_ it all. I want you to back up off my porch just like so. I want you to never comeback here again looking for Carol, asking for Carol, calling for Carol. You _may_ have heard I don't ever leave my house but for _you_ I would make an exception. I will come to you like a thief in the night and I will slit your throat, releasing you to the pits of hell that has been a waiting for you. _You_ _hear_ _me_?"

"Bigmama, everything ok? You need me to do something?"

"Get the fuck on now. Naw, Daryl. Carol's sorry excuse of a husband is using the little bit of commonsense he has and leaving. Him and me got an understanding. He knows he's barking up the wrong tree. He will be dead by morning that is for sure. Audacity to stare me in the eye like that. Yes indeed he will be dead by dawn. Here put this a way for me. It goes in my bedroom in the closet in a hidden door. You will find it open. I am giving you permission to go in my room to do only that, you hear me? Took almost all my energy to pull it out. I felt in my bones that rat red face bastard was going to make an appearance today and today it was."

"What you doing owning a shotgun, Bigmama?"

"Hurry and put it away before the kids get here and know of it's existence. My ears won't surely rest if I know they busying about with more information than they need to know. My shotgun is on a need to know basis. You didn't need to know but you _know_ just like that no count husband of Carol's."

"Why did you let her comeback here?"

"She came back begging for me to take her in. Likely dropped to her knees if I let her. No dropping to your knees unless you praying to the man above or if he standing before you. I figured if anyone was going to get her mind right it would be me. Only place she would be safe would be here until she became confident and all of that takes time. I ain't got nothing but time."

"I figure it _would_ be _you_. You the only one Bigmama. If it wasn't for _you_ all of us would be in a very bad way. You-"

"What the hell you want Daryl?"

"Well, I was just wondering about the room out back."

"What about it, Daryl?"

"Looks to me there is a monopoly going on. It's always occupied at 9:30pm til-"

"You telling on grown folks handling grown folks business now?"

"I was just saying that-"

"My only suggestion on the subject is you and Sasha need to get there earlier. The early bird always catches the worm. That is all I am going to say on the subject. Don't give me that look like you frustrated. There is such a thing as motel rooms and I am quite sure you know about that or if you really want to forge ahead there is some nice apartments you can think about for you and Sasha."

"Are you putting us out now? I wasn't trying-"

"Well one day you going to have to think about flying and you can't stay here forever trying to hedge discontent. Peace is here and if you find problems with the living arrangements then you have to make decisions on how to ease your mind. A calm mind is a soul at peace."

"Does this same talk apply to Grimes?"

"It applies to all who want to live here. What are you truly going on about Daryl? Spit it out."

"I'm just overthinking things is all."

"You ain't never been with no woman like Sasha if you been with any at all. Don't give me that look like I just shocked you with something. I won't tell you to let your guard down Daryl. I won't tell you that. I will tell you to be always vigilant. Drugs has the handprint of Satan just as Slavery and the Holocaust. The kind of drugs Sasha was on wasn't like Marijuana and I am quite sure I ain't telling you anything you don't know."

"Crack is no joke."

"You come from a family that abuse and use. I knew Pattybelle, your Mama from way back in the day when she wasn't a crazed minion. Makes me shudder just thinking about your Mama and don't forget your no good brother Meryl."

"I've heard the stories about my mama winning beauty contests and her love of the confederate flag. I know my family sordid history, lived it, surviving it. Not much to speak on."

We in agreement there. You have experience, Daryl. If anyone should know, you should know. If you ain't listening to your gut ain't nothing going to stop you from doing what _you_ in the end want to do. You have no idea what would trigger a relapse or when Sasha will go back to using if she goes back at all. That is the risk you take."

"Okay. I get it. Okay. Let me go on and put this shotgun where you told me, Bigmama."

"You wait one second here! Listen to me real good now Daryl. No one can make that decision for you. What I will say to you again, never let your guard down and be forever vigilant. Take each day at a time. Nothing more you can do but love her in the moment. Every chance GOD gives you _love_. Your type of loving just has to come with restrictions, conditions. You will _not_ allow her to cause you to use. That is when you know it just ain't going to work between the two of you. Don't get sucked into it. We can still quickly lose our way even when we have a path carved out for us in stone. _Now_ go put my shotgun away."

"Yes, Bigmama...Thank you Bigmama."

"Don't start hugging on me now, Daryl. I said peace lives here. Not hugs."

"But you are hugging me back, Bigmama."

"Because you obviously needed a hug. Now go on and do what I told you to do."

"Yes, Bigmama."

...

"That was good."

"That was really good."

"Lasted longer too."

"Are you patting yourself on the back, Mr. Grimes?"

"Yep."

"...I like being here with you like this. I am getting use to you touching me here."

"I am glad you are relaxing with me. Relaxing when I touch you."

"I trust that you won't hurt me."

"I want to connect with you Michonne. I want to touch you everywhere. I want you to want me to touch you everywhere _and_ _here.._.Like your holding my hand now to your chest. I understand if you don't want me to _see_ but please, don't discourage me from wanting too. I love all of you. So very, very much. I do. I love you. I _want_ to touch you and nothing better than you wanting me to touch you."

"Well, I am in remission. I have my hair growing back. I made an appointment to have breast again. I promise, you will be the first to see the unveiling. Until then I have to keep my top half covered. I have to or I wouldn't be able to be intimate with you, Rick."

"...Why are you getting up?"

"We have to leave. It is almost 6am and the kids will be waking up. Bigmama will be up soon getting breakfast started. I want to get a head start by removing these sheets and getting them in the washer. I brought replacements. Now come on and get up so you can help me make this bed look like nothing ever happened here."

"Can I just have a moment longer to watch you slide on your underwear? Can I just have a moment to watch you slip back on those-what are they called again?"

"Yoga pants. Now get up, Rick. We got to get this room in order or we will certainly be found out."

"Alright. I am getting dressed. Where's my underwear?"

"Right here in my hands. I am not going to throw them to you. You want them you need to come here and get them. Come on from around the bed and get these boxers, if you want them."

"Are you going to hand them to me or not? Or we going to stand here in front of each other smiling like we are...I love kissing you, Michonne...Wait... I thought you wanted to make the bed...Damn...Kissing you won't get the bed ma-"

"Rick...God..."

"Yes...I guess we aren't making the bed?"

"...Not right now."

...

"Good Morning Bigmama."

"Well, Good Morning to you Carl. What a pleasant surprise. Look at you trying not to smile this fine beautiful morning. You got room in your belly for breakfast this Saturday Morning too! How about that...You got a nice smile there young man. You should do more of it. Can't be depressed and smile at the same time. Depression can't exist if you smiling. No indeed. You got your mind on some oatmeal or an omelet?"

"Oatmeal is fine. Thank you Bigmama. I thought I would find my Dad down here. He wasn't in his room last night and he ain't there now."

"Either you really looking for your Daddy or you trying to understand what's taking place. You got to help me know where we going with this conversation. I just know you as a child ain't trying to tell on grown folks who's trying to handle grown folks business."

"I wanted to talk about what's taking place before Judith and the rest come down. Dad said he asked, Ms. Michonne, to marry him. He wanted to know how _we_ felt about it. How _I_ felt about it."

"And?"

"I am not sure why he is so concerned about how we feel about it when it matters how he feels about it."

"Here's your Oatmeal. The berries and sugar is in the covered dish in front of you."

"Thank you Bigmama."

"I have no idea why you would doubt your Daddy's concern for you. He let that Jessie woman go did he not?"

"Yes. I sometimes wonder if things had happened differently, if he would be with Jessie, eventually. I know it's different based on how things happened and with the fire. There was a point that my Dad couldn't see anything but the wrong direction and Jessie was the wrong direction. Anything she suggested he was listening. It made me angry. We didn't need just anyone to step in to _mother_ us just because our own mother tried to k..."

"I have no idea what kind of demon y'all had to have witnessed in that moment."

"I know that Jessie and Ms. Michonne are different."

"How does Michonne make you feel? That is what you need to concentrate on and then you are able to answer your Daddy honestly since he is asking for opinions from impressionable children."

"You have a way of saying things Bigmama that have more than one meaning."

"And that makes you smile like that?"

"I am not sure if you just insulted me by calling me impressionable or you judging my Dad's ability to make his own decision."

"And me talking got you smiling like that? Well, I says we should be talking a whole lot more. You listening. I like to know someone is listening. Now that I got your attention listen real good. Your Daddy is trying to make Michonne a forever kind of situation even when you ain't going to be there with them forever. He is still looking out for your best interest in the right now. His life choice hinges upon 6 young people that will eventually move out and start living life. He wants to know your thoughts on the situation because it gives him an idea where your mind is and how peaceful his home life will be with all his children and Michonne. Nobody in their right frame of mind wants to knowingly go into a situation where they have to constantly fight to keep peace through Chaos. If you or your siblings got a problem with Michonne, voice it now. Your Daddy seem like one that will fight to keep Michonne, but not if he has to sacrifice y'all again. He did it with your Mama."

"I like Ms. Michonne. There is no choice in the matter."

"Tell your Daddy just that. I think he would appreciate hearing it but he standing right there looking like he just swallowed a few stones."

"Good Morning Bigmama. Good Morning Carl."

"Where were you Dad?"

"Handling grown folks business, Carl."

"Boy does that sound like you practiced saying it. Right response but next time make it sound natural, Richard. Carl is not too old to know which lane he must remain in. Never your lane. Remember that, Richard."

"So we have no problem with me and Ms. Michonne?"

"No problem."

"Thank you, Carl."


End file.
